Other Writing: Certain People

Trump Has Had a Stroke!

September 2018 – he hasn’t had a stroke yet. Maybe soon!

Trump has had a stroke!
Filthy hateful bloke.
  Our thoughts and prayers
  Are with his heirs −
We hope that he will croak.

Meghan Markle

The Royals all are glad to welcome
  Meghan Markle.
You know who will be jealous now?
  Koo Stark’ll.

December 2017

This doggerel requires that the reader remember Koo Stark, the beautiful actress who was the love of Prince Andrew’s life in the early 1980s, but having learned nothing from the Peter Townsend disaster (see page 294) the Palace put the kibosh on that, and poor Andy had to marry the wildly unsuitable Fergie instead, who got the bum’s rush when an American financier was photographed sucking her toes, and …

Earl Butz

My friend Sir X. Y., when working as an agriculture journalist, once interviewed Earl Butz (1909-2008), President Nixon’s Secretary of Agriculture. It was more than 45 years ago, but he never got over it, and Butz lives on in his work like a ghostly presence. Just a few days ago he posted more about Butz on his website, in the context of the 2014 Farm Bill and its effect on food stamps (a Department of Agriculture program). Although my men tied me to the mast of my ship, as I had told them to do, they couldn’t get it done before I posted this doggerel as a comment to his article.

Let us praise the late Earl Butz,
A patriot and not a putz.
Food stamps make us eat at home
Instead of out at Pizza Huts.

March 2014

 

Anthony Weiner

Thin, wiry Anthony Weiner was a Congressman from Brooklyn.  In 2011 he got caught sending text images of his penis to a number of women over the Internet, and resigned in disgrace.  Then in 2013 he re-emerged to run for Mayor of New York on the basis that he was a changed man, a reformed character, and all this sexting was behind him.  But it turned out, in July 2013, that despite everything he was still at it, using the nom de bitte Carlos Danger.  Poor Anthony!  Such a lovely penis!  So robust and inviting!  He just had to share.

anthony-weiner

No one is leaner
Than Anthony Weiner.
Only one part of him’s fat.
How can you blame him,
Why do you shame him,
For drawing attention to that?

Praise Song for President Obama

To the tune of Hail The Victors (University of Michigan Fight Song) To play the music, click here.1

Lyrics copyright © 2009 by Joe Buffalo

We love Barack Obama, We love Michelle Obama, We love their daughters too, and We love their dog!

Rah! Rah! Rah!

Out here in San Francisco We don’t have any problem Cheering the President Because he is so cool!

Now in September 2014 I no longer feel quite the same way. Instead I now find myself singing these words to the tune of La Cucaracha.

Barack Obama, Barack Obama, I used to think you were terrific. Barack Obama, Barack Obama, What is happening to you?

 

Parson Weems

Parson Weems

In the books of that fraud, Parson Weems,
Nothing is quite what it seems.
Georgie cut down the tree
And confessed – it was me!
He could not tell a lie.  (In your dreams!)

 


Parson_weems_web-humanitiestexasRev. Edward Lock Weems (1759-1825) was the author (in his Life of Washington (1800)) of the notoriously phony story about the little George cutting down his father’s cherry tree and then admitting it because he could not tell a lie.  This 1939 painting by Grant Wood shows the parson and the fictional scene.

Mitt and Newt

Mitt and Newt

mitt-and-newt

Mitt and Newt, Newt and Mitt –
Both of them are full of shit.
Both of them tell lies so tall
We’ll be nauseous by the fall.
So fuck them both, and give to me
The colored guy from Waikiki.

                                                January 23, 2012

 


Referring to Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich, two of the most awful people ever to run for President, competing in the Republican primaries in 2012.

Maria von Trapp

I used to go out with Maria von Trapp.
She always would sing the most horrible crap.
That whole cheerful thing was entirely phony.
The hills were alive with the smell of baloney.

 


sound-of-music

Referring of course to Julie Andrews’ portrayal of Trapp in The Sound of Music, with which the hills were said to have been alive.

Ezra Pound

Keats was dead at 25,
  Shelley died at 30.
Ezra Pound at 82
  Was crazy, loud and dirty.